hahah i was flipping through the tv channels and i started watching this chinese soap opera. there was a guy and a girl and this is how it went..

guy: do we still have a chance to make this relationship work?
girl: no.. its not possible.. 99% impossible
guy: then i still have a 1% chance. there's still hope and thats all that makes me happy
*girl starts crying*
*guy grabs her waist and pulls her into him and they hug*

CAN YOU SAY MAJOR AWWWWW!??!!

freak, i want to watch more but i dont want to waste my time. studystudystudy!

here's the start to my busy weekend. -__- shoot i always get myself into these kind of messes. i'm thinking.. what i'm feeling is way too soon. i dont even know if its anything.. its too small to be anything but i really dont know. i told stephanie and cheryl today. they totally knew who it was. that's what happens when you stick with those two for so long. stephanie said, "its just a feeling. i just knew it." very strange. cheryl says, "subtle expressions that you have.. you seem more nervous around guys that you like compared to others." HM. interesting.. i thought i wasnt shy around guys. well i guess i learn things about myself more and more. i slept really late last night thinking about things. it's been a tough year.. i just want to get it over with. dude, i am so messed up. woohoo.

<3 minimum days :D :D :D :D :D so a TON of us get together after school and take the bus to plan to go to tiffs house. since i live near tiff, i wanted to drop my stuff off so victor, benton, and chris decided to accompany me. we ended up being at my house around half an hour because they wanted to play pool and ride my goats. harhar. -__- the goat attacked victor! hahaha.. it was literally chasing victor and headbutting his crotch. victor was so scared and jumped over the fence to escape. so when i finally was able to drag those three boys away from my house we were walking to tiffs house, but then a big group was coming and they wanted to see my goats too. so we go back and let the others pet my goats. finally we go to tiffs house and hang out. there was pizza, big 2 with weird dares, i am sam, a little bit of lilo and stitch. mm it was good. i needed a good break. we then all went to cancer park and hung out. we played link tag and watched chris and victor ride in the home depot shopping cart that they found. some of the boys went off to play basketball. yayyy fun day. PICTURES will be uploaded! check it out.

freak. i am so freaking hyper right now. LALALALLALALALA. oh dear calm down. weeee. breathe in. since i am NOT myself right now. i might say things that are really weird and crazy and things that i dont mean.. just not me. ahhhhhh this is so hard. to get over him. i dont know. i know im determined with a goal.. but its just going to take soooo long. and i know it might change if he somehow shows me PHYSICALLY (not particularly WITH ME harhar) that what he says is the truth. w00000000t. sometimes when i talk to my guy friends and they do something that is sooo totally cool i just want to jump in their arms and give them a big fat hug and imagine that theyre ___. TOO BAD THEYRE NOT. garhhhh. man what is wrong with me. ive been having these really stupid sappy entries lately. I NEED TO STOP. haha too bad for youuu! stop reading if youre getting annoyed. but seriously.. if he really got his act together and made a freaking decision and i was his choice and he actually cared an showed that he cared and wanted to make it all better. omg i would take that friggin opportunity in a hearbeat. janet you are CRAZY AND AGAIN VERY STUPID. but that's just how it is. im not ASKING for a relationship. i just want HIM THERE.. he doesnt have to be my stupid boyfriend or whatever i just want it to be USSSSSSS. gaaaaaaaaah. i wonder how junior year will be like. more drama? more guys? PLEASE. no more guys. and NO MORE GUY DRAMA. i want to be happy and content with ONE person. for just once. someone who doesnt screw up everything. or just NONE. NO GUYS. and make me be happy to be alone. yes yes. and you know what!? GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. go to the praise night on saturday. gogogogogo IM me for details. its going to be great. yepppp. hopefully i can go.. well my parents said yes (but i cant go to church on sunday) messed up. hopefully in the summer i can go to Church as much as i want. w00t. DID YOU JUST LOVE MY REALLY RANDOM ENTRY!?

i had no homework today. tomorrow is a minimum day. it doesn't get better than this. banana nut crunch and a calvin and hobbes comic book on a hot day. <3

you would cry too if it happened to you. i'm more serious this time. hopefully i am. its all words and no action. just like it was for him with the other person. except it was her that was all words no action. you even said so yourself. why are you doing it to me now? i dont understand it. i already took off the alerts and moved him out of his own section. w00t.. progress. tomorrow is minimum day. xD hmm should i study chem/math or go to shannons house. choices. definitely want to go to shannons. harhar. we'll see how everything turns out.

new found glory- forget my name & evanescence- everybodys fool

dude its hot like a mofo. my house has airconditioning, but since my dad is really conservative, we dont get to use it. ahhh. we have to rely on our windows and ceiling fans. -__-. i went to starbucks afterschool and got the new limited time drink.. mm.. mocha coconut frap. it's pretty good.. really sweet. im going to get fatter! weee. school sucks a lot. we did really bad on the group quiz. ahh. let's study for the group test PLEASE. i hate school.. i hate it so much that ive grown to not care about it anymore.. i need to get my act together though. whenever anyone brings up the subject about school i always want to change it because i hate thinking about it and it just makes my self esteem go downhill. so i hate school and i hate this disgusting weather. i hate people with moodswings too. get over yourself. sometimes you cant judge a person by their actions because theres always a reason behind the action. you cant seem like youre mad at someone, but then act all nice around him/her. that's just being fake. and no one wants a fake person. and that was about a GIRL not a BOY. so if youre a boy and youre wondering if its you, its not. if youre a girl, harhar, it could be you :D OKAY ANYWAY that was incredibly vague.

i want to jump in a pool

hey we got a wide screen projector thing. woohoo. who wants to come over and watch movies?? xD WHO WANTS TO JUST COME OVER!? ahh. im a loser.

after school chris and i were talking about the worst things we've ever done in life. it was rather amusing. esp for his part. at first we were in a big group and i guess they just got bored and all left so it was just chris and me. then people started staring at us and it got hecka awkward. but anyway chris has done some pretty crazy things... i dont think im supposed to say but theyre PRETTY CRAZY. it involves pissing on property. that is just so messed up. aiya. then i told him all my boy stories and how ive been caught doing whatnot. our conversation is still to be continued so i get to find out the dark side of chris. woohoo!

i miss him................................. and i dont even know if he cares.

during lunch we were talking about who was a heartbreaker. jessica and valerie kept pointing at me and i kept pointing at them. especially valerie! she is so pimp. hahah. so jessica says, "yeaaah you broke ____'s heart!!" and i said "umm what? i didnt break his heart. he broke mine."

:*(********

what a waste of a weekend. i thought i would do something with my friends, but i guess not cause im just a loser like that. sigh. today i went to sacramento to visit my grandparents. we went out to eat and walked around old sacramento. when we were going home we were stuck in two traffic jams. really bad accidents.. one of them was that a car toppled over, another i saw a car totally wrecked. in the morning we sent comet and honey to get a bath/haircut at petsmart. we were so worried that we wouldnt be back in time to pick them up. so we tried calling my uncle and cheryl to try to pick them up for us. cheryl's line was busy and my uncle was in another city. thank goodness we were only 15 minutes late and people were still in petsmart. comet looks funny.. all his hair is shaved off because his hair was messed up and really tangled.

yeah i guess thats it. i was up until 2ish in the morning talking to my brother.. like FRIENDS. whoa. that never happens. oh well i guess thats good. he's growing up. =) ...........NEVER listen to a bunch of slowjams in a row when you have nothing better to do. i was listening to my rioriot on the way to sacramento and omygosh.. just listening and staring out the window thinking about things is unhealthy. SIGH. =( stupid school. die. im going backkkkkkk

i was practicing piano last night. i kept repeating the first few lines of my new piece over and over because i would sometimes mess up on this one part. my mom then got irritated and said "how can you not play such an easy section of your piece CORRECTLY!?" i got mad. just like i always get mad while practicing piano. i wanted to get back at my mother (haha yes what a good child i am). i started playing the piano really roughly (slamming on the keys), purposely arghing and sighing really loudly. and as i was doing that, everything that i tried not let bother me rushed in. "everything" just hurtled into my heart and i started feeling really weak. i felt like i couldn't take the pressures that my parents give me, the expectations they set on me, and the insecurities that i had over everything. i feel like im nothing and no one really cares or tries to show that they care. except my really good girlfriends, but i dont know.. i want more. i want him to care. oh well too bad so sad hm? last year was so freaking different from this year. being the bored individual that i am, i looked up a blog entry from exactly a year ago...

today i went to the newpark mall.. 3 cute guy sitings!! hahaha.i dont favor shopping..but.. yeah. :)

#1: AE FITTING ROOM GUY!! awwww such a cute boy. uh.. man. looks around 18-19 right cheryl n steph? haha i think.. he said "hey whatsup" and more after that to me. =)
#2: steph: hey that guy is kinda cute *cheryl turns and looks* * i turn after and cheryl turns away, and right at the same time he turns and looks at me* how embarassing...
#3: me: hey thats the guy *guy passes and scratches his crotch* all: eEeeuh...

yes and i was also thinking..wouldnt it suck to be a guy and have a girlfriend who LOVES shopping. so you always have to wait for her when shes in the fitting rooms, and carry her bags? that would suck. i would hate to be that guy. but then again im not a guy.. and then again i dont really like shopping! so guys should be lucky to go to the mall with me :D

what a nonchalant little girl.. i wish i were her again.

RANDOM: why is it that once this 3dayweekend begins where i can go swimming.. i get my freaking period!? roar.

i drove my moms huge town and country chrysler van to the library today. let's just say i am better off with smaller cars. i was so unfamiliar with everything. i didnt even turn on the engine when we were driving onto mission blvd. -__- i was driving with the car just rolling. hmm no wonder it was really heard to press the brake pedal. harhar. well i was trying to change lanes but i was scared i would run into a car since the car is so freaking huge, and i got honked at because i had my signal light on for too long. my moms hands were shaking. since the library is near the police station, there was a police car right next to me and i got really paranoid. my mom was like "you might want to drive a little faster since youre driving 5 miles under the speed limit." darn i usually speed, but when i get scared and nervous i go extra slow. heh. well at least i made it to the library in one piece! yeah but my mom drove us home. hah oh well.

honestly, do you think i can really truly fully trust you? think about what you did. do you think i can just bounce back like that and just put my trust you completely? i dont think so. it needs to be gradually redeemed, but you wont even take the chance to try to build that trust to show me and give me a good reason to trust you again. yeah so whatever. its full of ambiguous answers with no explanations. and you not only need to be honest to me, you need to be honest to yourself.

yes! just what i needed.a THREEDAYWEEKEND. today was minimum day (another yay). mm went out to lunch with tamie, jess, tiff, and kaitlin to Qcup. we pigged out and now i feel super bloated.doesn't it suck when you HAVE to wear shorts because its 80+ degree weather.. then those darn perverts in their trucks pass by you and honk and whistle? gross. happened when we were walking to the bus stop and happened twice when i was walking home. i want to flip them off, but then they might come out and beat and rape me. :[

i just found out about how corrupted our class is. i seriously thought everyone was so innocent.. or at least most. unfortunately, no. unless what i heard are really big rumors.. but i doubt it. the most innocent looking people.. or the people i used to be really good friends with take drugs and get laid? sigh. and some of my GOOD FRIENDS drink!? when did THIS happen? goodness. im so disappointed.. i'll look at those people in another way. i dont know.. most people would think "its not that big of a deal" but i think it is. i thought those people could avoid those things.. the worlds temptations. i thought they possessed that kind of self control and morality. especially since most of them are Christian. that's just how the world is i guess. satan's out there to try to corrupt every one of us. and there are some people who just go to Church or claim theyre Christian for a title. the true Christians are just stronger than others. yes yes but i still had hope when i heard two of my friends (nameless) didnt drink at that one party. GOOD JOB YOU GUYS. you dont know how proud i am of you two. i respect you guys a lot now. that's what girls look for in guys. well at least me, and the girls that i hang out with. we want to see that. it's a major turn on. heheh :]

[edit] nevermind i found out the two guys that didnt drink didnt even go to the party. NEVERMIND. I TAKE IT BACK. stupid guys. haha jk. DONT BE STUPID AND DRINK CUZ ITS JUST SO TOTALLY RETARDED. i'm really glad that my good girl friends (1, 2) dont do anything like that. i'm really lucky to have them. GRIN. love you guys.

AHHH I WANT TO WATCH XMEN2!! I DONT CARE IF ITS OLD! SOMEONE TAKE MEEEEEEE

charles' philosophy on the mesage behind better luck tomorrow. reminds me once again why hes so darn smart..

s m o o v y x (4:53:56 PM): sex, drugs, alcohol, speeding, violence, money but i thought it was bad
chaqke (4:54:42 PM): dude maybe you missed the message
s m o o v y x (4:54:56 PM): what was the message?
chaqke (4:55:05 PM): ever heard of the model minority myth?
s m o o v y x (4:55:11 PM): dont mess around if youre really smart or else youre screwed for life?
s m o o v y x (4:55:15 PM): nope.. tell me
chaqke (4:55:31 PM): ever heard of the term "model minority" at all? this ain't aesop's fables here there's no such thing as evil just like there's no such thing as good the world is not black and white, it's greyscale. a different perspective is all it takes to destroy a preconception. asians have long been called the model minority. work long, work hard, work lots, work cheap. the thing is, being the "model minority" isn't a good thing. the fact that this concept even exists is a testament to the fact that the general population is labelling asians. people prejudge asians and treat them differently because they think that asians will take it whereas a white person would get indignant. asians are treated subservient, and consequently, subhuman. all the stereotypes about waiters and laundrymen and etc. that's society imposing an image upon the people. the asian dude who's like the perfect butler isn't a success story, he's a personality-less, identity-less lapdog. the director of better luck tomorrow wanted to reach for desires universal to the human race (which are bad, by the way) and add a touch of humanity to asian images. asians, like all people, are _people_ and not "that hardworking guy at the workplace"
s m o o v y x (5:03:34 PM): so basically he portrayed asians as individuals who can be "bad" too?
chaqke (5:03:46 PM): as people because all people can be bad and all people can be good. he started with normal stereotypes (that's why they were all preppie etc) and then went deeper, to show that there were fallible, vulnerable people under, like any other
s m o o v y x (5:04:35 PM): some parts.. just seem really unrealistic
chaqke (5:04:49 PM): well i heard that from a few people and ya know what i noticed?
s m o o v y x (5:05:02 PM): what?
chaqke (5:05:06 PM): only the people who have had like no experience with anything "bad" say that

haha he's referring to me.. im not THAT uninnocent. goodness.. man all that came from someone who hasnt even watched the darn movie. good job charles.

s m o o v y x (5:06:25 PM): who kills a guy and asks someone to bury the body in someones backyard for $300!?
chaqke (5:06:58 PM): ok that's ridiculous :P

yeah thats RIGHT.

last night after i took a shower i was laying on my bed in a towel just staring at my ceiling fan and listening to loud linkin park music. it was somewhat nice. oh yes my dad found out that the internet works until 10 instead of 9. he got really angry. guess that means internet will stop at 9pm now. argh. oh yes and he informed me that he reads this blog. great. anyone wanna teach me how to password protect a site? heh. well who knows maybe my dad is even reading this right now. hello daddy leave me alone please.

R**h***y**87 (7:19:34 PM): he must be an awesome guy if you like him through all this

HAHAHAHA. sigh.

still waiting for your email

this is the most i have laughed with my family in a long time. it all started at the dinner table...

we're talking about all my brother's annoying friends who call him 24/7 asking about tips for a computer game...
me: yeah so if they call you should give them wrong instructions so they wont call you anymore
dad: or you could say.. "GO TO HELL!"
me, mom, bro: :O
me + bro: craCking up
mom: starts lecturing dad

that was weird coming from my dad. i never knew he was like that. haha.

we were discussing how my mom should start her own restaurant of chinese bao bings cuz shes a super good cook. we then got to naming it "bao bing king" then talked about other "kings"
me: yeah so tell me what a place that sells pho would be called?
bro: pho wang (chinese for king)
me: in english i mean
bro: pho king
me: laughs
bro: AHHH MOMMY SHE MADE ME CUSS!
mom: whats so bad about pho king?
bro: cracks up
mom: huh?? PHO KING!? WHAT???
bro: do you even know what youre saying?
mom: it doesnt make sense. pho king is not a word is it?

sigh that's my family..

she chased him to his car desperately wanting to fill the emptiness that she had been feeling for so long. he heard her running and looked back. he just stared and she stared back. he turned back his head and just walked on.. like she wasn't even there, like he just heard a noise and brushed it off. then he disappeared. her eyes welled with tears and she wanted to disappear with him.

<3 honey

it only took one look from your eyes. they sparkled just like the stars above. you brighten up my life. and just for one minute you captured my heart exclusively. forever you and me. sure as birds fly over the mountain. and sure as the fish that live in the deep blue sea. i just gotta tell you that you're all of that to me. EVERYONE GO DOWNLOAD ONE VOICE - ALL THAT TO ME. such a pretty song. i could listen to it forever and ever. you know who i love? MY DOG. i love her to death. she's already 8 years old though.. im so sad whenever its her bday because its just one less year with me. :[ i wish dogs lived as long as humans do. im going to be freaking miserable for so long when that day comes. OKAY DONT THINK ABOUT THAT! whenever i start thinking about that i start tearing. i love my dog so much. SO MUCH. sigh. anyway..

mm i think my dads going to take me driving today :D you know how you have to have forty hours of driving with a parent? well i told my dad and he said "that's a lot" and i said "yeah well you dont really have to keep track.. you can just lie about it if its not enough. it doesnt really make a difference." then he gave me this dirty look and said "NO! it DOES matter. i want you to keep a notebook and write down everytime you drive and for how long. in the end it has to be at least forty hours." oh dear.. so now i have a driving notebook. how sad.

i had a total work out from laughing today in chinese school. there was one time where i was laughing so hard for around five minutes straight. i started tearing from excessive laughter. we were giving chinese presentations and eric ching had to go up to present. eric hsiao was tapping his pencil on his desk and i guess it distracted eric C so when he began his report he said "In_eigh_teen_nine_ty_four" according to the beat of the pen. it just sounded so funny like he was rapping to the rhythm. ahhhhhhh continuous laughter. i should've taped it.. sigh kodak moment. then jon went up to give his presentation and i kept staring at him and nodding my head and it distracted him. ahah im evil? yes.

ELECTIONS are over. sorry for those who didnt win.. but congradulations to those who did. i hope you guys do well and dont let our class down next year. we need a pimp junior prom man. everyones already getting so excited. cheryl is.. she keeps squealing, well probably because she'll probably already be set for a date. as for me.. i dont have anyone and no one would ask me because im a loser. yesterday during lunch kaitlin was making a list for potential dates that we could go with. oh dear. haha. the guys in our grade at msj are sooo immature, but theyre cool anyways :). cept when theyre MEAN and they play EVIL big2-loss-bets on poor innocent people. grr. in the beginning of this week steven tried to sit on my lap, hold my hand, and tell me a corny pickupline but i ran away because i knew his sadistic intentions. stop being dicks man!

my mom told me after school that we're going to cancun in mid-august. i am so freaking excited. :D *GRINS REALLY WIDELY* these are the things i am planning on doing: 1. PIG OUT 2. go to the beach 3. get my hair in braids and beads 4. get TAN (but i probably already will be) 5. swim with the dolphins 6. shop til i drop 7. practice my espanol 8. ENJOY SUMMER! ------ i cant wait.

do you know gordo from lizzie mcgwire is eighteen years old and a pothead who attends uc berkeley? he's my classmate's cousin's roomate. hahaha rather amusing, disappointing, and disturbing. i love gordo! he is such a nicee and sweet guy (in the show)! lizzie is BLIND to the fact that he cares so much for her. TAKE HIM ALREADY!

mmm im pretty much confused about everything. everything that i thought and assumed has turned around on me and it makes me think. then again i dont know if its completely true or if i'm even getting the right idea. blargh

why do we fall in love when love will only tear us apart?

i take it back. i take back my whole life.

CHYAH IT'S ANOTHER SURVEY

[a]ge: 15.5
[b]est friend: cheryl, valerie, and stephanie. oh and i consider jon my best guy friend.
[c]hoice of meaT: BEEF mm.
[d]ream date: sigh. the BEACH. or stargazing
[e]xciting adventure: i dont know? camp out at a rainforest? hahah.
[f]avorite food: any kinds of noodles/pasta/spagehtti
[g]reatest accomplishment: being alive
[h]appiest day in your life: i really dont know.
[i]nterests: BOYS. harhar. :D oh and webpage making, singing, tennis
[j]ell-o: mmm lime jello is good
[k]ool aid: ehh i used to drink that stuff but now i dont. its kinda gross if you think about it.
[l]ove: God, family, my dogs, friends: cheryl, valerie, stephanie, ss, jonathan
[m]ost valued: computer and bible. hahaha. :D
[n]ickname: jan, janny, turtle, OA, jonet
[o]utfit you wore to school: umm. abercrombie shirt, blue jacket, blue pants
[p]izza topping: supreme or mushrooms OR hawaiian!
[q]uestion asked to you the most: whatsup, what's the homework? :P
[r]adio station(s): 89.3, 106.1, 104.9, 94.9, 102.5
[s]port: tennis
[t].v. show: friends, even stevens, and 7th heaven
[u]r fav song(s): changes spontaneously. currently goo goo dolls- slide
[v]isited: ive been all over the world dude.
[w]here you live: fremont california
[x]yz?!: wtf?
[y]ear born: 1987
[z]odiac sign: cancer

chris chuang told me this hilarious story after school today. he said he found it in a ym magazine.. yah know one of those embarassing moments? dont ask me why he was reading YM. so anyway it was about how this girl went ice skating with this guy that she really liked. she slipped and fell on her buttocks and slid across the rink. when she looked behind her there was a trail of blood because she got her period. oh dear i was laughing so hard.. everyone said i was sadistic and cruel for laughing at an incident like that. i dont know why i find it really funny, but i can definitely imagine it. ohhh boy.

im going to cupertino today to attend a seminar about how to apply into an ivy league college. fun stuff. i might take the class over the summer. woohoo more of cupertino in the summer. last year i went to cupertino twice a week to take a geometry class. i really liked it because everytime my mom would buy me tapioca express and subway sandwiches. mmm. cant wait until summer. actually i can. but im excited for massive movie watching, getting tan, vacationing (maybe), and actually getting fit. summer is the time for me to exercise 24/7. i play tennis at least five times a week. not sure if that will happen this year though considering we dont even have a tennis coach. things that im NOT looking forward to are tennis tryouts (if we even have tryouts), studying sats, being bored without a car and a license, and i think im taking a fine arts course at ohlone. that will be really boring because the only classes i can take involve history of arts. disgusting.

Could you whisper in my ear the things you want to feel? I'd give you anything to you to feel it coming. do you wake up on your own? and wonder where you are. you live with all your faults. i want to wake up where you are. i wont say anything at all. so why dont you slide. dont you love the life you killed? little pieces of the nothing that fall. put your arms around me. what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful. ill do anything you ever dreamed to be complete

guys are retarded. SOME OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT! yeah! OKAY. some are just so f*cked up in the head that it annoys me. three people, including myself, were depressed today because of what? boys. and two were crying. :[ shoot, they make our lives so complicated. they can be so insensitive, stupid, and immature.

and yet, they can be so sweet, fun, and caring.

$)@#$#)%(*#$)(#*@_$*#@$#

happy mother's day! i got my mommy a glass picture frame with dried flowers inside. it's really pretty. there's a picture of me, my mom, and my brother in china. so that made her day. dinner tonight at my uncle's house. we're not going out to eat because my aunt is paranoid about SARS lingering in the chinese restraunts. how silly.

i'm worried about him. i hate to see him like this. i really do. i wish i could do something to help him, but it seems like i can't. everytime i try to talk to him he tries to ignore me. i think he hates me. plus, he avoids me. i try to put it off, but it bothers me, and all i want to do is see him happy because i just care so freaking much for him like that.

[edit 4:50 pm] look what happens when i try to procrastinate myself from my career essay. but guess what im done! and its 7.25 pages! woohoo. but this citing thing is a pain in the buttocks.

i just had my LAST drivers training lesson. w00t! another step closer to driving :D :D too bad the earliest i can get my license is the end of september. :[ i have to wait soo long. i'm not sure if i'm even going to get my own car anymore.. i mean, my family has THREE cars. there's a town and country that my mom drives, my dad drives the volvo, and there's a family suv. no one drives the suv except on weekends. so i told my dad to drive the suv when i can drive so i can have the volvo. he said "no it's too big for me and it's too big for you." i hope they change their minds. what's the point of driving if you dont have a car? bahh! anyway the drivers training lesson was so freaking boring. my last teacher sucked arse. the one for my first two was good. the dude today didnt teach me ANYTHING except to park but thats because i asked him to teach me. we spent a max 15 minutes on it. the rest was just driving all over the bay area. fremont, ardenwood, milpitas, fremont again. it was sooo boring and i felt like i was going to fall asleep. my eyes got really heavy and there would be these times where i would space out and i started driving off the road. haha oops. seriously though i wanted some sleep. YAY NOW I CAN DRIVE WITH MY MOMMY AND DADDY!!

football can get dramatic. yah no kidding. who ever heard of football drama? seriously. girls can be super bitches. they can be mean, cruel, inconsiderate, and selfish. i dont want anyones feelings to get hurt again during pe. this is how girls play when no guys are around. sheesh. good thing pe will be ending this year. then again, who's going to get my lazy arse up? we have no tennis coach. we're screwed for next year. oh and i'll be driving :D looks like im going to get majorly fat. on a happier note (sorta), i tagged someone in football! yeahh me! quite a lot of times too. the last time.. megan ran into the baseball diamond and i grabbed onto her flag and slid in the sand. my hands started bleeding.. and i think i have a splinter :[ i also touched a REALLY wrong area on her body. it still disturbs me. HAh. but then pe ended RIGHT after i tagged her.. so basically i injured myself for nothing.

random: okay i dont want to name my future daughter and son tifa and annikan anymore. i still want to name my first daughter jeannine though because i love that name. if i have a second daughter her name will be Trinity, Trini for short. ahhh so pretty and cute. my son's name will be Cory or Tyler. ahhh cute again. hah okay time to work on my chinese report.

haha time to blog because i just had a thought. wait janet arent you supposed to be studying chem?? i was! but i just had the coolest best idea! harhar. most of my childhood life i always dreamed about how i would spend my sweet sixteen. i always imagined having a huge house party with a huge cake and a ton of friends from all over. well you know what? screw that. i dont really think sweet sixteen is that big of a deal anymore.. i really dont know why.. but thats just what i think. i want to spend it at THE BEACH. how cool would that be? yeah since my birthday is in july and its going to be hothothot. so this is what I was thinking. me and a bunch of friends (guys and girls) go to santa cruz and go on rides or whatever.. then spend it at the beach. volleyball.. swimming.. tanning. then we stay there until night and look at the stars. then we all go out in formal wear to a nice restraunt nearby.. THEN we all go to a hotel of some sort and rent a room and spend the night and just hang out since i dont want my parents driving to come pick me up at like 9pm or whatever. i dont know now that i think more about it it seems more unrealistic. would my parents really let me stay in a hotel room overnight along with boys (even though of course i would never do anything harhar)? and being willing to pick me up in santa cruz? but that would be the best sweet sixteen ever. sigh. back to studying.

crap. chem test tomorrow. i'm screwed! i dont understand this chapter. did i mention im doing really badly in school? sob.. today was the last day of STAR testing. i'm going to miss those short periods, catching up on sleep, and major socializing/laughing. i think i've burned more calories laughing during these past eight days than any day in PE. so during free time after the test julia decided to put eye liner on me. this is the first time i've ever had eye liner on my eyes! gasp. im no longer a virgin for my eyes anymore. harhar. i think it turned out nice.. but i looked evil. hehe




[ edit 3:41pm ]
my church friend tiffany recommended me this really good jazz song. everyone go download: peter cincotti - are you the one. makes me want to get up and dance on my desk. :P


has anyone noticed how hilarious roger fu is? he is such a funny guy. in class he sings opera and he makes the most amusing comments. today i shared my geometry book with him because he didnt bring his. so there's a problem and it says: "Deanna watched a spider crawl over the interior surfaces of a room from point (2,0,8) to point....Abigail said, "12+ root 89 = 21.43."...Deanna responded, "Actually it was =16.40." Explain the reasoning of each student." as most of you know, roger is an extremely intelligent guy and it was so funny because he said really loudly "WHAT ARE THESE STUDENTS SMOKING!?" ahahh. then he's like "screw this im playing big 2 with eric." if you dont know roger, you guys should really get to know him. he's awesome! harhar.


you know what i dont like? superficial Christian music. the music that comes from the bands and popular singers. it's disturbing how some of the lyrics can be so vague that it can give meaning to anything.. such as a member of the opposite sex when the "original" lyrics are really for the Lord. that new chick.. stacy orrico (?) her music is supposed to be Christian, but it's mostly of her asking God for Him to bring her the right guy for her. then there's plus one. now that's a different story. i totally lost respect for them. their lyrics are the most vague.. such as "last flight out" and "written on my heart." what happened to the true purpose of worship music? i was also disappointed how some of my friends would be obsessed with plus one because some of the band members were "oh so cute." guys, worship music isn't about the materialistic attributes of the band, but being able to praise the Lord. now, dont get me wrong, im not totally against Christian rock bands. for example, i totally respect vineyard and sonicflood. i think you should express your love for the Lord in any way you wish to.. even if it requires drums, electrical guitar, but just do it for the Lord. do it to praise Him. don't do it for the fame. dont do it for the money. ...and don't do it for the admiration of the fans. im done.

you know what i hate?! MIXED SIGNALS! they should burn and die. bah! i keep having strange dreams. i dont even remember them when i wake up, but little random things throughout the day remind me of the dreams i have and i laugh at myself because theyre so random. seriously, i am going crazy because my dreams are freaky. he was in four of my past dreams. that's pretty darn crazy. mm.. maybe it's because..

i miss the times i'd call you while you were playing warcraft 3 just so we could talk some more after you got offline. i miss the times we'd call each other randomly in the middle of the night and wish we were by each other's side. i miss your old hair and how i'd always tell you to cut it. i miss our walks to the tapioca place after church. i miss our snow ball fights. i miss our nonstop text messaging. i miss being in your arms. i miss how we would point out everything we had in common and declare we were made for each other. i miss you calling me honey. i miss you making fun of my 'gandhi dot.' i miss correcting you to say hecka instead of hella. i miss hearing your voice sing for the lord during worship. i miss your smile made of sun. i miss you carrying me on your back. i miss our bets. i miss our emails. i miss writing notes to you and folding them into shapes. i miss drawing shooting stars. i miss my dreams. i miss our nightly calls. i miss your mom telling you to get off the phone. i miss your sister laughing loudly in the background. i miss lion king on imax. i miss your two sweaters. i miss the stains on your sweaters. i miss your red backpack. i miss your baby pictures. i miss you. i miss it all.

so yesterday we had another big dinner thing at our house again. i showed people our goats again. and like last time, my clothes got all dirty because our goats are so freaking hyper. they keep jumping on me. bah. so nothing else really happened. jeff came! i thought he was going to go to wushu but he apparently pulled his muscles. he showed me his winterformal pictures and gave me one. awwww him and allison are so cute together. after that we basically ate dinner.. played with the dogs and watched 'the mummy'. ive seen that movie like.. 10 times. i know some of the lines word for word. -__-. did i ever mention my brother is incredibly annoying and immature? the whole time he kept saying "aww look at the cute couple" just because we were sitting next to each other and sharing a LONG pillow? oh yes and i must say that jeff and i have the same fashion sense on the same days! first time was when we were both wearing billabong shirts and last night we were both wearing the same white nike socks. how coincidental.

okay whatever.. i dont really want to do this anymore. even though you make me freaking happy (you know that dont you?), there are times that you just make me want to break down and cry a river. i never know how you feel because you just shut me out. but all of that just seems so far away from me. i have to wake up and face reality. it just seemed all too good to be true. after all you put me through..

HEY SHANNON (vag)! haha. waiting for you to say (hi ina!). HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN!!!