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Someone ate my peach. It may very well be me, but I don't remember eating it, so it doesn't count.

Nate and I stopped by Safeway yesterday to buy appetizers for a Superbowl party. In an attempt to help me eat more fruits, he bought me a rosy hard peach. I didn't end up eating it in the afternoon, but when evening hit, I deliberately planned on eating it. It reached 10PM, and I took it out of my purse, washed it, and placed it on my desk. In my mind, I thought, "I should eat this peach soon before I sleep." Lately, I've been trying to give myself a rule of having a two hour buffer between when I eat something and when I go to sleep. Unsurprisingly, I got caught up in bethanizing and didn't remember the peach until 11PM, and thus decided to eat it the next day.

After I ate lunch with Nate today, I was so excited to eat my peach.. a little something sweet and juicy on my tastebuds. I quickly ran up to my room and frantically searched for it. After around five minutes of searching, I glanced inside my trashcan... and saw a peach seed (with some meat around it). There was also a remnant of peach skin, and indeed IT WAS MY PEACH. Jumping to conclusions, I ran downstairs and asked Nate, "DID YOU EAT MY PEACH?!" He replied no. I then called my mom at work and asked her if she ate my peach, but she didn't, and she kinda freaked out thinking it was elves or ghosts.

WHO ATE MY PEACH? My dad left for Taiwan before I washed my peach... Comet hadn't come inside yet. No way did Twinkle get the peach all the way from my desk, eat it cleanly, and throw it away in the trashcan (that would be one heck of a dog trick).

That only leaves... me. Except, I have absolutely no recollection of eating it.

Do I sleep-eat? Do I go in and out of consciousness? Did I have amnesia!?

The mystery remains.

I've never seen any other Yorkshire Terrier like Twinkle. Her fur isn't silky smooth, but whimsy and frazzled. I love it! I so badly wanted her to have babies, but the thought of her getting ovarian or breast cancer was enough for me to bring her to the vet today.

She'll never be a mother... and when will I ever be able get to see little poofball puppies?

What's the sense of worrying that the self does not worry?

My mom thinks I don't care about my future enough and that I lack ambition to build a more "solid" foundation for myself. But should being laidback and not scrambling in everything that I do be considered as apathy?

She also adds that I shouldn't be doing the things that I do for her sake nor should I have any exterior pressure because of her expectations. And yet I reminded her that it's inevitable that I do have this hovering pressure because I strive to please the people that I care about.

I really do despise that this world looks to money and personal success as the answer to happiness.

I need a constant reminder to look up.

Time goes by faster at work with my headphones on and my mind a little dead. I really like Glee's music (not so much the storyline), and I've been listening to the show's playlists on repeat. Particularly, yesterday I was listening to the song "Imagine" that they sang with the deaf glee club, which was supposed to be one of the most touching moments on the show. I'm not really a music buff so this was my first time hearing the song, and so I've never heard the John Lennon original version. I kept repeating it because I liked the melody, and at the time I thought the song was very hopeful and beautiful; I think I was in filter mode and the only things I was thinking of were deaf kids holding hands and the words, "Imagine," "peace," and "live as one."

I think it was by the 10th time I listened to it that I heard "no religion too," and had a mental whiplash. Whoa...say what?

I looked up the lyrics and had quite a shock...

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one


Now when I listen to the song, I have another somber emotion come over me... sadness. Sad that this is what people idealize as a utopia.

I think of... A world without hope. A world without joy. A world without diversity. A world without conviction. A world without truth. A world without Christ.

...but it's not over!

This is my first week of intense overtime. So far, I have worked 5 days x 12 hours = 60 hours! And I'm going into the office bright and early for some weekend OT action. And although I can get a headache from staring at a screen all day, ringing ears from listening to Glee songs on repeat, and frustrations dealing with difficult customers and members from other departments....IT'S FUN!

What makes those long hours worth it?
1. Free bomb food
2. Awesome coworkers
3. Laughing at customer photos and their funny last names (ex. The Tinklers, The Butts, The Roaches, etc.)
4. Processing beautiful cards!

Because I won't be able to send holiday cards to my friends (mainly for my relatives and parents' friends), here it is online! It's a trifold card and has a calendar divided by seasons on the back.




Need cards?? It's not too late! And I'm only working here until the end of December so when else can you get an awesome deal??

It's also been really fun learning more of Adobe Photoshop and knowing all these tips and tricks of how to make photos look impeccable. It encourages me to take more photos just so I can have fun editing them.

In other news, I finally got a new laptop. I am staying true to the PC and to Dell. They have been good to me! Why should I change? I have no desire at all to go Mac. Here's a peek at some webcam fun:

I emailed this random update to a few friends on September 7, 2009 and decided to share it with the public hoping it will encourage others and give glory to God.

it is such an epic day for me.. and i wanted to share it with all of you. a few of you know that i have been struggling with this.. and some of you, i have never told before.

this weekend i was feeling really anxious... i think i was just overwhelmed with studying GREs, getting a good score, and thinking about what graduate school would accept me.. i knew that i was sinning through my anxiety.. and turned to prayer and the word of God. after a time of prayer, i was overcome with peace knowing that God is sovereign and that i need to stop being so selfish and focusing inwards, rather than on God.

i read proverbs 2 and 3.. and started meditating on a number of things including humility, wisdom, pursuing righteousness, and fearing the Lord.

then i reached these few verses:

"Then you will discern righteousness and justice and equity and every good course. For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; discretion will guard you; understanding will watch over you."

and then...

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones."

i kept reading that verse. over and over again. and as i was reading it, i could feel the war of sin raging within my soul. the holy spirit/my conscience was burning and sin was attacking.

a bit of history: for the past 3 years i have had a very secretive and inward struggle regarding possession of illegally downloaded music+movies/pirated movies+software. in the beginning of my sophomore year, i decided that i was going to start buying music legally. and ever since the 5th grade, i had illegally downloaded music from the internet (i had a hefty collection). however, i decided i wasn't going to delete those files. in my head, i convinced myself that it was ok.. and what's done was done.

but during the beginning my junior year, i felt extreme guilt and shame over my possession of illegal files. i would have times where i felt so much guilt and then other times i felt completely fine. it came in waves. and every time i felt a dirty conscience, i would try to suppress it and justify it in my head. let me tell you, i suppressed these feelings CONSTANTLY.

there were many times i heard the preaching of the word or read the word of God and felt deep shame and the holy spirit moving.. and then later i would even pray "God, if i am truly convicted of this, please bother me more." bc sometimes i convinced myself that i was feeling this way because i was "fearing man." wow, way to turn a situation into a holy one right? there was even one time i deleted only the songs that i felt like i could give up (and decided that i would delete illegal songs progressively in the future, which by the way, never happened).

these actions were out of a STUBBORN and UNREPENTANT and SELFISH heart. i always knew it, i just didn't want to come to terms with it.

but after i read proverbs 3... truly the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" came alive... and I was overwhelmed by feelings of sorrow over my sin, fear of the Lord, and wow, my eyes were just fixed on Christ and pleasing Him because I loved Him deeply and feared Him greatly.

result: i acted quick and abruptly. i did not want Satan to take a hold of me and sway me the other way.

tonight, i (1) deleted all my movies and tv episodes from my external hard drive, (2) threw away all my pirated scrubs+friends dvds from china, (4) uninstalled all my illegal software, (5) deleted all my illegal music (refer to attached image), (6) synced my ipod so that all my illegal music is now gone forever

how do i feel now? so thankful... joyful... free...

the reason i'm sending this email is that i wanted to encourage you with this "testimony" and just share with you the amazing power of the holy spirit.... sorry this email was so long.. i just let the words flow. if you read all of it, thank you! :)

...and also wanted to exhort all of you.. do NOT suppress sin. do not justify sin. be at constant battle with the flesh.. work out your salvation with fear and trembling. CUT SIN AT THE BUD. but most importantly, keep the most important commandment: love the Lord your God with all your SOUL MIND AND STRENGTH.

ATTACHMENT

Overtime starts soon! I'm a bit excited, but at the same time dreading it. However, I can really get used to this working life. I love having weekends where I don't have anything pressing to work on. The application process has been going rather smoothly, and I submitted my two December deadline applications (Cal and USC) last week. I'm planning on submitting all the rest by Christmas. Yikes! I can't imagine going back to school! On the other hand, I really can't stop thinking about Irvine. Not the school, but the life that would await me there... EBCOC and living with my two best friends from high school. I really am afraid that I'll have to go the East Coast or Cal Poly SLO. Put me out of my comfort zone, and I become so introverted... I don't want to be lonely. :(

Relationships are hard work! For those who want to get into one for the sake of having a boyfriend/girlfriend, please rethink those heart motives! Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for Nate and love that we are together, but I don't think anyone knows the breadth of my sinfulness like he does, and vice versa. Sin is disgusting and repulsive, and I'm no God. I really have to remind myself to point myself to grace and the gospel to commit myself to all of Nate--his good and his bad. This is preparation to making those future vows that no man can later separate! I think especially being a woman, I fall in temptation to idealizing relationships and the "perfect husband." This comes from not having a low enough view of man and not a high enough view of God. Poor Nate! I am thankful for him for always being gracious to me and accepting of my crazy and borderline hysterical antics. ACCOUNTABILITY!

With Halloween only a week away (that is, our company party), I have completed my first DIY clothes sewing project! I feel quite accomplished because my learning was all from an eclectic compilation of YouTube videos, online tutorials, Google image searches, and bit of my own improvisation.

The sparkly green fabric I snatched at JoAnns was perfect, particularly because it was on sale for $1.99/yard! Everything else was a little pricy, but hey, it's my first sewing project so I bought extra of everything. Does anyone need red feathers?










Ta-da!

I love slow instrumental dramatic remixes of trendy up-beat hip-hop songs. It just makes the song all the more romantic and heart-felt.

Exhibit A:
Travis Garland's remix of T.I.'s "Dead and Gone."

Today I was listening to imeem's Top 100, and a slow remix of the song (hate that this is what pop music has come down to) "Birthday Sex" comes on.

Really? Is that supposed to make the song more appealing?